Monday, March 14, 2011

The only person who pulls off a matching sweatsuit is Betty White.

First, it's imperative that you watch this.

Now, picture Phoebe running on a treadmill in front of me for 20 minutes. Wearing flare khaki pants that are 3 inches too short. At one point I think the drawstring may have been creeping from front to back between her legs. Yes, I was paying very close attention. Either that or she was working up enough friction to burn a hole in the crotch.  I couldn't stick around to see the fallout.

Meanwhile, up trots a middle aged gal sporting a navy polyester sweatsuit that was tight 15 pounds ago.  She is head to toe in navy blue, because what goes better with your navy sweatsuit than your navy Dallas Cowboy's hat.  Fancy.

And just when you think I'm picking on older people, oh no. The young aren't immune to these fashion faux pas or my judgemental eye either.  Some young cat made about 6 laps around the gym getting water every 10 minutes or so, all the while wearing white spandex capri pants, and I'm pretty sure there were no undies underneath. Sure, she would put me to shame in any body attractiveness scale or contest, so, yes, I'm probably being jealous, but I've said it once and I'll say it again. If I ever open up a gym there will be a dress code that requires all shorts or pants to be black, and everyone would have to wear a shirt that didn't expose their nipples from the arm holes. You may think that your teal shorts are really cute and match your Reebok t-shirt so nicely, but I have news for you, when you're not concentrating on your snuggie, I am, and I can almost read the Hanes tag of your underwear thru your shorts. Breathable fabric, people! 

When I wasn't considering poking my eyes out I was choking on the overwhelming cologne from the fellows on each side of me.  Goodness gracious, man! A shower does the same thing without offending everyone in your wake. 

1 comment:

  1. I new there was a good reason that I don't frequent the gym:)