Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Must I share the road?

Here is my list of annoying drivers, stereotyped, generalized and listed in order of annoyance.  Keep your words of offence to yourself.

1.  The dipshit who doesn't read the spot on the registration sheet that clearly states "the sticker goes right here". With a hand and finger pointing to the place on the license plate, for the illiterate and non-English speaking amongst us.  We don't need to know how many years you've maintained your license plates. We don't need to see that you support gay pride by making a rainbow of the past 7 years of colorful stickers around your plates. Just put the damn sticker over top of last years! You're doing it wrong.

2. I assume if you have the state flower or bird license plates, you may as well have the handicapped thing hanging from your rear view mirror. It translates into 'I'm going to hang out here at this green right turn arrow, or sit and watch the light turn from red to green and just chill'.

3.  Everyone in West Des Moines. You think you're special. I don't care. But you're annoying as hell.  I hate this town.

4. The guy who has the personalized plate LUVDOGS and I've inadvertently been stalking for the past few months.  This guy sucks.  He stops 10 feet before every intersection, is indecisive on which lane he wants to be in, and has 16 magnetic stickers all over his SUV.  Dog paws, stickers about saving the animals...I get it. You've got 6 kennels in your precious urine scented cargo carrier, now move it.

5.  The a-hole who speeds up to pass you, only to cut you off in the same lane, with less than 2 car lengths between you and the other car that said a-hole is now tailing.  (Sidenote: I've been known to do this a time or two, but I always apologize sincerely to my passengers, and believe that translates to the person I just cut off.)

6. My co-worker 'Gene'.  He's an idiot, and I had to ride to a customer's office with him a couple days ago.  He is retiring soon, but still has the road rage and impatience of a 16 year old driver who was just given a 10 year old Camry with a stick shift.  Gene makes it onto all of my annoying lists these days tho, including: People Who Talk, People who Sit Next To Me, and Annoying People who Hate Life, but insist on remaining in mine and making it suck.

I need anger management.

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